Wednesday, May 6, 2009

This is Your Brain on Sports.

Curt Mueller won an auction for a piece of gum supposedly chewed by Luis Gonzalez of the Arizona Diamondbacks. My problem with this: Mueller isn't even a fan of Gonzalez. He only did it for the publicity to sell his own competing brand of gum, which I won't mention. The seller was Jason Gabbert, who impersonated Aaron Sele formerly of the Mets, now a minor league pitching instructor for the Dodgers. By impersonated, I mean he was charged with forgery for trying to open a checking account in Sele's name. But this was out of fanaticism for the game, and the athlete. I've come close to that degree of fanaticism. Fortunately I have several reasons not to get that carried away. The top five, in no particular order:

1. My IROC Z
2. The Allegiance Elite Marching Band
3. Lockpicking
4. Collecting Daggers (thanks A.J!)
5. Metal Detecting at the Sandy Beach park

I highly suggest to those of you who are racked with pain when your team loses to get more pasttimes, unless you're an Edmonton fan and deserve the pain. If you're an Edmonton fan, you should complete the lobotomy (you're so close!) and join a year-round cuddle party.
Any Questions?


  1. This reminds me of when I was inducted into the Sports Hall of Fame and I had "too much cheese" then I knew what to do with and so I invested in a hedgefund run by a man named Bernie Madoff. Turns out, I lost all my money, but I think the bottom line is greed. Mueller was blinded by greed and that's why he did that, I can relate.

    I didn't know you were in a marching band, what do you play?

    I agree with you about Edmonton, but not a cuddle party. Inappropriate.

  2. I play the Glockenspiel:

    I guess im suppose to be scared, cuz you got toast up in here.
    Well n***a lets get one thing clear.
    I dont leave the block without my glock.
    Is it because im standing with yo b**ch?
    Or got all these stones on my wrists?
    Dont think your leavin' here with this
    I dont leave the block, without my glock.

    Have you even ever been to Edmonton? It's like a 1,034,945 person cuddle party. Your ignorance is inappropriate.