Thursday, November 19, 2009

The value of Helmets

I went to a head shape clinic yesterday. Not for me, for the baby (see previous post). The little guy has to wear a helmet now, to prevent a deformed, adult head. I find it funny that he has to wear a helmet to correct something that wouldn't have happened had he been wearing a helmet in the first place. So they gave us an airbrushed helmet with stars on it. It was ugly, so I painted it to look exactly like my old flaming skull goalie mask. It scares the kid now, but at least he's cool looking. The head shape doctor mentioned that the little guy's head wasn't so bad, then started pointing out that even my wife's head was deformed a little. I punched him in the mouth for that.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Hindsight is 20-20

This is hard to write.

When I watch football and the Stamps score, I sometimes spike whatever I'm holding into an imaginary end zone in my living room.

So now I don't get to hold the baby anymore. Nobody said it was easy being a sports fan.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

An Old Friend

I just wanted to post a link to a website made by an old friend. Sure, he hates sports, but don't hold that against him. Just enjoy his wacky website.

Monday, October 5, 2009

It does a body good.

There are a few things you should know about me.

1. I have unusually strong bones, like the opposite of the avian bone disease. This is partly due to genetics, and partly due to the fact that I inject Cholecalciferol (Vitamin D3) daily. This causes my eyes to yellow, and my eyelashes to fall out. I suppose I could find a better place to inject, but I prefer to avoid looking strange, like an avid needle user.

2. I don't drink milk because I'm the most sane person I know. I've been to a farm. I've seen cows. I can assure you that what absolutely did not enter my mind was that I wanted to be breast fed by the cows I saw. It didn't appear motherly. And it's udders were ugly, chapped and dirty. I have consumed cow milk in my life, but when I think about what it actually is and from where it came, I can't do it again.

So there's a trade off, between the natural benefits of drinking cow milk, and the less natural benefits of injecting Cholecalciferol (Vitamin D3) daily. For example, drinking cow milk affects me psychologically for a few minutes. I mean, it tastes good, and I can tell my body likes it, but I simply dislike thinking about it. On the other hand, Cholecalciferol (Vitamin D3) has physical side affects. These include, but are not limited to headache, weakness, drowsiness, dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, constipation, muscle and/or bone pain, metallic taste in my mouth, weight loss, itchy skin, changes in heart rate, loss of interest in sex, confusion, unusual thoughts or behavior, feeling unusually hot, severe pain in your upper stomach spreading to my back, or fainting.

So I choose the injections, because who wants to get the willies when they eat something? I wonder if my abnormal aversion to cow milk is a direct result of my use of the Cholecalciferol (Vitamin D3).

A younger me, posing next to a sign depicting a cow doing the right thing.

Friday, October 2, 2009

This Tastes Immoral

Another coach told me a story that I thought was great. Her and her family were having a conversation. This family includes her and her husband and two sons, all WASP Canadians. One of her sons brought his girlfriend who happens to have a Lebanese Muslim heritage. Anyway, they were discussing what they would do if they were stranded somewhere and they had to eat a human. One of the sons said that he heard that human tastes just like pork. Well this girlfriend piped up and asked "Well what would I eat then?"

Absolutely perfect.