Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tour of Duty

While touring the great nation of America, I noticed a few things.

1. Americans are better than Canadians and they deserve to win at hockey games. On one of my visits to sports bars, myself and another gentleman discussed this topic at length, and he convinced me of this fact. However, I was quite inebriated, and now I can't remember the conversation at all.
2. Americans "take it to the next level." Give an American group something moderately interesting, like football, and they'll make it a mouth-frothing object of zealotry. Just compare 1890s football to that of today, and tell me they don't know how to extreme-ify something. I attended 116 football games in the 3 months I was away. It was totally worth selling my platform tennis court and plasma.
3. Carrying a gun around isn't just okay, it's cool. This isn't an an American thing, it's just something I realized while I was on the road. Maybe I'll buy one.
4. I am naturally gifted at Pickleball. But I'm not surprised.

In a short time, I'll be heading to the Hickory Nut Gorge Olympiad 2009 at Lake Lure, North Carolina. Here's a description from the website:
"This family-friendly event is schedule for August 27-30 and includes a 5-Mile Dam Run, a regionally-ranked triathlon sprint, and a race to the top of Chimney Rock Park, dragon boat racing, volleyball tournament, ski show, shag dance, fireworks, and so much more! "

What's a shag dance?


  1. Fact: Americans are not better than Canadians at hockey. Reason: You're actually mentally insane if you don't know why.

    Fact: Guns are for rednecks and republicans- Not jocks.

    Fact: Pickleball is made up. Reason: I know everything about sports and I've never heard of this.

    Fact: You do really bizarre things with your time. If you're spending all that money on travelling, why wouldn't you go to the Kentucky Derby, duh!!

  2. It must be pretty dark with your head up there.

    I don't really refer to myself as a jock, as that's a strap I chose not to wear. I prefer the pain.

    I did go to the KY Derby. And I bet you commented on my blog post about it.

    You reason like a Canadian hockey player, eh? Really sloppy.

  3. Oh... and I'm not "mentally insane" (your term). But I am physically insane on the ice/field/court. Unless you count roid rage. Because that's becoming a serious problem. As is bacne.